Dave's Dogmatic Tour de France Dribbles

By Dave Osborne
Jul 16, 2003, 07:34

Prologue

Inferior Campy equipment takes win from Millar.

Stage 1

What do dominoes, bowling, and bicycling have in common?

When one goes, they all go! Misfortune ends the tour for Leipheimer and Lotz.

Petacchi wins stage and I’m moderately impressed. Blaming LeBlanc for poor choice of course layout makes me feel better.

Stage 2

Hamilton starts with a broken collarbone. I’m impressed cause I cried like a baby everytime I took a step when I broke mine. Hamilton now becomes the sentimental favorite. Jeguo and Finot nearly complete 196 km together and have fans cheering for the underdogs to take a stage win. Along the way, A French TV motor beans Jeguo and Finot waits while he changes bikes. I thought Italians where bad drivers! Cooke wins while USPS team is boring to watch.

Stage 3

This time there is a lone break by Geslin who goes solo about 70 km before being gobbled up. I still love cheering for the underdogs. Some French guy, Nazon, picks up time bonus’s in the intermediate sprints and ends up wearing the yellow jersey. The French now have something to cheer about since being liberated in World War II. Oh yeah, that Petacchi guy wins the stage.

Stage 4

Team time trails are so cool to watch, it’s a guy’s version of the ballet. USPS dominates using superior Shimano equipment! Practically the whole friggin team rockets into the top 10. Pena gets the yellow, nice of the Posties to let someone else wear it. Bianchi did a good job. Break out the cigars. Would like to have partied with the Posties that night.

Stage 5

Petacchi wins again and the commentators start talking nonsense about how he is the next Cipollini. I’m thinking Phil and Paul are drinking to much vino in their commentary box. Petacchi’s may be crossing the line first, but the whole sprint looks so ragged. It’s not like the good ole days with Cipo when Saeco and Domina Vacanze would perform like poetry in motion for Cipo…kinda like that guy ballet thing again. Pena has a happy birthday by wearing the yellow again. Oh yeah, I think it was Vicioso who had a bad crash during the sprint, OUCH!

Stage 6

Geslin goes off again and O’Grady goes with him. These guys almost do 200 km before being sucked up. I spilled beer all over myself cheering for them! It’s like having a bet on a 100 to 1 shot in a horse race and the favorites are on their heels coming down the front stretch! I’d like to buy those guys a beer. Another crash takes out McEwen and Zabel with about 2 km to go. It probably didn’t affect Petacchi winning another stage. I think he must be the next Cipo, blah, blah, blah. After hearing that from the commentators, then they starting ragging on USPS for having Pena haul water bottles. All he did was go back on his own to get a bottle for Lance when he saw he was out. He was just being a nice guy and it never hurts to suck up to the next 5 time winner of the Tour.

Stage 7

Virenque was allowed to have his last hurrah when the peloton let him go. Aldag should get some credit for hanging in there. Speaking of credit, Hamilton must be packing some huge testosterone glands to not only keep riding, but also staying in contention. They should make a jersey for the guy with the biggest glands. Simoni cracks and Petacchi quits after a few km up the first hill. The commentators where right, he IS the next Cipo!

Stage 8

“Hill” is a four letter word to me and these guys are racing up stuff that I get nosebleeds from when I’m riding in a car! Armstrong is attacked, attacked, attacked! Did I say Armstrong was attacked? Armstrong puts on the yellow but shows he is human. Congrats to Mayo (riding a superior Orbea bicycle) for his win on L’ Alpe d Huez. Beloki and Mayo now make it interesting. Jan loses time and Virenque no longer matters. Hamilton is amazing!

Stage 9

Nobody likes to see anyone get hurt. If you saw the crash that Beloki had, there was no doubt it was a bad one. He only had 6 km to go after riding an aggressive stage when he went down hard. Vinokourov deserves credit for his win but he won’t be remembered for Stage 9. After the crash, the second highlite was the cyclocross portion of the tour this year that Lance took. Armstrong is still in yellow, but a serious contender is now out of the Tour. A speedy and successful recovery is wished for Joseba Beloki.

Stage 10

I’m still shaky from stage 9. So much happened that changed the potential outcome of the Tour. I’m happy for Roadcycling.com’s manager, Thomas, as a team member from his country of Denmark won the stage. Congrats to Jakob Piil of CSC from Denmark. Wow, a 21 minute win over the field. I’m happy for ya Thomas! (Never hurts to suck up to the boss). The big time gap didn’t have much of an effect on the contenders as Lance remains in the maillot jaune. It was a pretty quiet stage.

Now for a rest day. Whew, I needed that. Probably a good thing for the riders too!

Since I don’t know any better, I’m posting my predictions now. Lance is first, Mayo is second, and Hamilton takes third. I’m not responsible for anyone losing money by betting on my predictions!

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