Pat McQuaid - Bounty Hunter
McQuaid is in the States on "vacation" - but is that the only reason?
that the UCI hit squad is going to meter out justice to Ullrich first. Why you ask. It's quite simple - they know where he's going to be.
November 20th is when the Miami gran fondo ride goes down. McQuaid and his "UCI Justice League" (my nick-name, not theirs) have undoubtedly had the German under surveillance and scoped out the host hotel. As anyone who has watched the CSI programs, you know that hotels are littered with cameras monitoring everyone's move. The same goes for hotel rooms, making a smash and grab while he's sleeping unnecessarily complicated. I have to think the best plan of attack would be McQuaid renting a van in an assumed name with forged IDs (don't tell me he doesn't know people who could make that happen for him) and as Ullrich rolls out for a pre-fondo ride the van pulls up along side him, the siding door is opened and before you can say "schnitzel" he's grabbed off his bike with a hood quickly dropped onto his head. The only evidence left behind is a carbon bike laying on the road, which - no offense to Miami - will be quickly stolen, thereby eliminating any physical evidence. From there I'm not sure if Ullrich would be spirited away to a secret UCI prison tucked deep in the Alps or would just disappear into the Florida everglades.
Finding Floyd Landis would be trickier for McQuaid. Landis is wily. It has been reported that he lives in a shack behind a car wash somewhere in the mountains of Riverside County, California. Like the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot, people have sworn they've seen him in various parts of the U.S. In fact sketchy out of focus photographs suggest he was in New York City. I've even heard rumors that the former pro has joined the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Who really knows? What we do know is that McQuaid wants to mount Landis' head on the wall in the UCI VIP room.
Finding Landis is impossible, much like trying to nail Jello to a wall - it will just slide away. He was invited to France to defend himself against the computer hacking charges and was promised that he could leave after doing so - but Landis declined. I'm not sure what you would do, but let me give some free legal advice - if authorities tell you they "just want to talk" they don't. Your jail cell has already been assigned and they're just waiting for you to show up.
Instead McQuaid needs to make Landis come to him. If I were McQuaid I'd bait a trap for the former 2006 Tour winner. He has often told me that he likes money. Perhaps an e-mail saying that the UCI finally got around to sorting out the whole Mercury-Viatel team disaster from 2001. When the squad imploded, riders were not paid leaving Landis and even current RadioShack rider Chris Horner, in the lurch for thousands of dollars. McQuaid should send Floyd an email claiming he can pick up